He died of pulmonary emboli, with no history of blood clots. He was only 53 and we loved each other so much, he was a good man who looked after his family and the people he cared about really well. My husband died suddenly two months ago. Because you were not prepared for the death and it had no understandable context, you will try to deal with your lack of anticipation by putting the loss into a series of events. If you have lost a loved one from sudden death, you know that you had no chance to say good-bye and no opportunity to finish unfinished business with your loved one. The physical and emotional shock that is a normal part of acute grief appears to be more intense and long-lasting. It might be as simple as deciding you’ll be kind to yourself and actually refuse an invitation that doesn’t feel right. I too am trying to cope with the loss of my husband of 12 years. and I lost time ! This is because all of the important deaths in my life have been sudden, unexpected ones. I’m very, very for the lost of your husband. At two years in, my evenings more than any other time of day are still crappy, and I do find sometimes that deciding I’ll call a trusted friend after I’ve washed the dishes can help. The loss makes sense. I want to believe it, but the pain is deep. We were together for 36 years and I’d also known of him since I was a little girl because our mums had been at the same school and they introduced us. My husband died suddenly in front of my eyes. I loved my life with him. Susan….I really sympathize with you. The baby monitor hummed as my two-year-old napped in a pack and play covered in a mosquito net. They were able to finish unfinished business with their loved one, to say “I love you,” and to do the things they wanted to do for the person before he died. They gave me 3 days to live and told my husband to say his final goodbyes before they sedated me. And I just don’t know how to go on. He had some nausea after and did not feel well so I helped him to bed to sleep all the medications off. I had to pack up my entire house pretty much alone. I feel lost, broken, alone. Life no longer seems to make sense. Her story reminds us how unpredictable life is and the importance of planning ahead. I lost my darling Andrew 5th March 2019, after three weeks in ICU following a devastatingly catastrophic brain bleed the morning of 13th February. He was just 59 years old and we had his funeral ten days before my birthday and his memorial the day before my birthday. I will never stop loving or missing him! I lost my husband unexpectedly as well. I am now in a place I absolutely despise. My husband of 43 years died 13 months ago, unexpectedly, of a stroke. The contents displayed within this web page, such as text, graphics, and other material ("Content") are intended for educational purposes only. I was in the car along with our almost one year old daughter, luckily our other daughter who is 3 was not with us. Any suggestions to get me moving back to life? Having even one day with my dear Jon was a gift. I just want to hold my husbands hand ,tell him how much I have always loved him and always will. Everyone was in my department. Like all of you Lost my soulmate, the love of my life, my best friend, the person that completed me, he was the missing piece that was needed, at just the right time and from then and there our journey as One began ! I feel lost, lonely and devastated. l felt such love and comfort and peace… it was wonderful to feel that in a time of such pain, fear and grief. Frequently grievers react emotionally and respond to what they perceive as unmet responsibility. I am lost, broken and so full of despair I cant breathe. I always will. love, Wendy. I imagine it’s somewhat alarming to hear that other grieving people aren’t feeling better, but, Yvonne, “better” is a term I prefer not to use. And I don’t want to. Most probably these are major issues for you. This may further demoralize you as you are trying to understand what happened to you and to cope with a drastically altered world, in addition to dealing with your feelings of loss and grief. Grieving for a Husband/Father During Holiday Season. Move on how do we do that how. This because the adaptive capacities are so severely assaulted and the ability to cope is so critically injured that functioning is seriously impaired. Yes keep as busy as you can, physically and mentally. For a full biography of Dr. Neimeyer, or to visit his personal website, please click here. I have had a bad day today. Have all the support you can get – you deserve it – and keep coming back to this site – several things I’ve read here have made a difference. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and his birthday. I just want my Mike home. Our home now is just a house. He said baby Im going to lay down are you coming I said let me finish whatever I was doing he said ok I love you my baby see you in the morning I went to bed, At 5:30am my alarm went off as it has for 40 years I got up went to bathroom I noticed the bedroom TV was not on he always turned it on for the news I went in to make sure he was awake I grabed his big toe like a million times but this time he did not move I yelled baby baby but he did not wake up he was gone the love of my life my heart beat my everything was gone. My wonderful husband, Ken, died 2 years ago, and I so get you when you speak of loss of purpose, and of not being lonely for people in general, but for your man, and for the thousand little intimacies you shared on a daily basis. I also sought out, and luckily found, a beautiful counsellor, who affirms even the smallest movement forward I make, as well as the fact that I will love Ken till my dying day and beyond. Sharing news, a joke, gossip, a meal . It was so very cold that night and we had just gone to bed. All I can do is wish you well in the months ahead and say how sorry I am you find yourself in this situation, All best wishes. I can relate to everything you wrote…in fact, it is almost as if I had written it. He was telling me things and he saw how distraught I was and said to me” Here let’s do this” he took one of my hands and placed it on my chest and picked up my other hand and placed it on top of my hand on my chest and said “keep me in your heart” . I don’t know who I am anymore. There were (and are) are still plenty of the (perfectly normal) dark days, but I thank god for the beams of light I’ve been able to see. This tendency to reconstruct events in your mind in order to allow for some anticipation of the death is quite common. I did anything in my power that day too, CPR, got ambulance and brought him to hospital, but it was all useless. I had never sewn in my life, but within 4 months of my husband’s death, I decided to learn to make a quilt from his clothes. I have been taught all too well that the people I love can be snatched from me without warning, and that death doesn’t always happen to someone else. Get advice and support articles delivered to your inbox. If one more person tells me to exercise, I think I’ll jump of a bloody cliff. The Content is not intended to substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Just like that. He was 71 years old, in reasonably good health and I constantly wonder why he did not beat COVID. as I held him in my arms ! We ran a business together for 30 years and have two grown children. I just want to die. Lots of love and all the best in this rough journey, Yvonne. Last words to me were, ” Wendy, I will pick up the prescription from Costco, you finish supper and we will eat wnen I get back.” I was talking on the phone and he turned and said “goodbye” to me and the person, i was talking to. We had a very good marriage and I am thankful for the time that we had. My brain is mush – I don’t remember from morning till night what I’ve done that day, nor the day before. Please make your own choices that are good for you, there old enough to make there own and stop pressuring you. I have lost a lot of friends as well as my late husbands family. I’m glad I found someone in this hop=me page who feels the heartbreaking loss and understand how I feel. He had gallbladder removal on Sept 18th at same day surgery. It is an attempt to restructure what happened so that it seems you had some inkling that the death was going to occur: “He really didn’t look that good in the last few weeks as I look back on at now” or “You know, he was visiting his sisters whom he had not seen in a long time. I can’t find him when I came because on the floor. The “panic” that you feel is also very real, stemming from a kind of separation distress that nearly all bereaved persons feel when they lose someone who was their “secure base” in the world, the person to whom they would naturally turn for consolation, comfort and care. I wasn’t even in the state. It feels like a few weeks ago. In contrast, I have a much different response when he is later than expected. Nevertheless, I am concerned. All I was getting on my disability is $66 and the rest was my window benefits. My husband of 42years died Nov. 10. What It Was Really Like After My Husband Died Unexpectedly | YourTango I think not. Here is what she wrote in the comment section of the tribute. As so often in our marriage, we had beaten the odds and were so excited and appreciative to pick up where we had left off before the Cancer. You can do this…..it is online. When I left my house he was watching TV and I mentioned I will pick up some tacos and he said “sounds good”. I didn’t celebrate the holidays.. his gifts are still wrapped; in a neat pile, waiting for him to come home.. but he’ll never come home.. he’ll never run my bath again.. he’ll never tell me to come into the den to watch a movie with him.. he’ll never be next to me comforting or annoying me..or anything ever again. He was shot and killed during a robbery at his workplace. Saturdays were our day to get out of the house. He dropped dead in front of me with no warning. I’m not lonely but completely alone- I don’t want lots of people around , I just want him and the companionship we always had. I absolutely hate that I wake up every day! I am seeing a grief counselor and plan to meet with a support group after the first of the year. How much I had and I don’t know if I really appreciated how much. I wish I could give you a hug, Sister. I think the pain-to-Iove ratio is proportional. I am going to go on Monday to a therapist who has done a lot of work with bereavement I eat well and take vitamins for health and sleep. It is now coming up to 2 years since my husband died and I think the intensity of his loss is even worse now than ever. Thank you! Having published 70 works pertaining to the clinical aspects of dying, death, loss, and trauma, Dr. Rando is a recognized expert in the field and has appeared on numerous television programs, including Dateline, CBS This Morning, Today, Good Morning America, and The Oprah Winfrey Show. If you let it, his death can become a catalyst for healthy and positive change in your life. Some people aren’t fortunate to ever experience what we had, so as bad as we’re hurting, imagine how much richer our lives have been because of these wonderful men. I hate well meaning people constantly telling me to ‘move on’ or find a new interest, as if caring for my husband was just a little hobby and I’ll soon find a new one. He, obviously, did have have a drink problem but it never interfered with his work or anything else. What makes me different from someone who has not worked so hard on these issues is that I will not immediately jump to call the hospitals or the police. Not on anyone’s radar and too crazy to even register. I thought it was going to kill me. It’s only been a month and people look at me like what’s wrong with me and aren’t I over it yet. For example, one woman looked back on the days preceding her husband’s sudden fatal heart attack and “perceived” warnings she had missed initially. I also talk with my husband I also believe he is with me. My husband died suddenly two months ago. I lost the love of my life on Nov 23 2020 not long ago. I knew he was dying as I raced down the interstate to a clinic up ahead. While we weren’t the perfect couple, he was perfect for me. I think spending eternity as a diamond with him brings me some solace. I have now sold the house we built and spent 30 years planning, renovating, talking about. I went to a counsellor , at first it helped relieve the pressure to talk and be able to say things to him that I couldn’t say to friends or family for fear of upsetting them. In January of this year my husband died as result of sudden cardiac death while playing sport with friends. Just like that. I don’t even want to leave the damn house. We had an amazing last year together, a 5 month long romantic winter holiday only to be followed by a stage 4 Cancer diagnosis for me. My husband died unexpectedly and suddenly at age 50 Discussion in 'Widow/Widowers' started by FallingWaters, May 18, 2009. On Nov 23 2020 the love of my life 46 years together Im 63 he was 68 we went to bed said our I love you kissed good night and went to sleep when the morning came the love of my life did not wake up, Dr said he never felt a thing. So, what might you do to recover a life that, as you say, has meaning? Always seek the advice of a professional provider such as a grief counselor, therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist with any questions you may have regarding your condition. Squeals of joy echoed from the lake as my five-year-old swam with my dad. Here a few suggestions, offered in full recognition that that there is no simple prescription for rebuilding life when the one we had was lost. I thought it was going to kill me it was so difficult! We love people throughout our life regardless of how a relationship ends. There is more than that required. Get breaking news alerts& today's headlines inyour inbox. Laid off. you have to understand that everything happens for a reason. Cemetery today…Nights are horrific…Trying to get through this holiday season.. 41 year marriage.. If you seek counselling, please make sure that the counsellor is conversant with grief and loss, and will not put time-tables on you for “feeling better.” You may want to ask them if they understand “continuing bonds” – and I don’t want to assume you don’t understand what that means, Yvonne, but in case you don’t, it basically means that while a loved one has died, our relationship with them hasn’t. I am just trying to go forward…Miss him always forever and a day. I live day to day, drifting aimlessly, from place to place, thinking of him constantly. I could not wake him. May 5, 2015. My husband had basically been disabled for the past 5 years, and I was his caregiver. Relevance. I need him here. My partner’s death was sudden and unexpected and even now I can’t believe what’s happened. I cannot accept his death, so I still ‘look’ for him everywhere we used to go together, hoping I will see him somewhere and bring him home. You feel pressure to do right by them. She still has her house. God is a loving God and would never do anything just to hurt you. My dear husband died after 30 years of being very happily married . As a consequence when he is later than usual I automatically assume that something terrible has happened. My husband passed 2013. Although they experienced pain when their loved one died, they could see what caused the death. You may find yourself looking back at the time leading up to the death and searching for clues that could have indicated what was to come. My husband died suddenly after five years of kidney failure and dialysis. I too ! 4 months later our little dog died, also unexpectedly. Basically she still has her life. He had gotten out of the Dr. 10 minutes or so earlier when he started making death sounds. We have no children and have always been very close and spent a lot of time together. My husband and I did everything together. I Want my old life back. After three phone calls today with our eldest daughter, and soooo much pressure from her to take his ashes from where he currently is to where I have a plot for us both, I’ve spent nearly all day in tears. I also think that “You’ll feel better with time” is a platitude – time alone does NOT, in my opinion, improve anything. My Solo Practitioner Spouse Died Unexpectedly. I did see my husband 3 weeks after his death, I had fallen asleep on our bed and woke up to see a vision of him standing at the foot of the bed. This pain is so monstrous..There was no rehearsal for this. Sunlight danced through the cottage. on Sept 19,2015. I collapsed on … As you can well imagine, no simple advice can assuage the pain of losing a life partner who had become a soul mate, especially in circumstances like yours where no children or grandchildren exist to share your grief, and potentially provide supportive lifelines to re-connect with life in the ways that remain possible. One moment we were saying “I love you” and enjoying the day…the next he was gone. After all, you have been taught a dramatic lesson: Loved ones can be snatched away without warning. I am so proud of you Baby but how do I go on, my everything is gone and my zest for living as well. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly 6 months ago and I don't know. My husband died on March 7, 2016 in a car accident. Our hopes, dreams, growing old together, our private jokes, laughter , movies ,restaurants & hobbies are the same. Required fields are marked *. I haven’t the energy to follow any of this clearly caring advice. I’m so sorry you’re in this awful, unbearable and painful situation. Lara Morris Starr’s Husband Died Unexpectedly. If you resolve or process your grief, you have the power to enrich your life and deepen your faith. None of it has helped and much off it has upset me, they mean to be kind and want to help me but the reality is very little helps me. I have just started crying about it- the pain seemed too deep before. Im also very sorry for you lose. Never disregard professional advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read in a website. You have the right to find what will be the best “fit” for you and your situation. I don’t want to have to entertain people and most don’t understand my need to just be silent. Then we sat with him for awhile and said our goodbyes. Thank you for understanding. So to all of us who have lost the love of our lives, how do we keep going? He got up around Midnight and told me he was feeling normal again, no pain and felt good. I was snuggled safely beside him, my hand on his chest and his arm around me. My daughter found him. I have an 18 month old toddler. I could not wake him. I am very good friends with my sister-in-law. Him…..I have no idea w hat to do, I also just lost my husband suddenly on April 9th.and I am in terrible pain. I am in therapy. To happen on what should have been such a special day for you makes it, if possible, even more poignant. The sudden shock of losing someone we love without warning so stuns us that we cannot comprehend what has transpired. For three decades on Feb 20, 2020 young 64 and looking forward to retirement a! Death occurred can be difficult, even if you truly love and comfort and it. I always want to have another day not revive him and by the sudden shock of losing someone love... May we all find some peace in the world you my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly to know retirement... 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